Kate's Notes

As I was reading, A Midsummer Night's Dream, I stopped in exasperation. I read allowed a few lines to my husband. "What?" Was his only response. "Exactly...this is why I hate Shakespeare. Just say it, man!" Then, a lightbulb went on. What if I made a more entertaining version of Cliff's Notes? Perhaps, "Kate's Notes"? Take this passage and see if publishing companies wouldn't lap this $hit up...

Enter Lysander and Hermia, a couple who wants to get married, but Hermia's dad wants her to marry Demtrius. So, they run away into the forest.

• Lysander. Fair love, you faint with wandering in the wood;
  And to speak troth, I have forgot our way: 690
  We'll rest us, Hermia, if you think it good,
  And tarry for the comfort of the day.(For real-- you're tired and I'm lost. Let's get some sleep.)

• Hermia. Be it so, Lysander: find you out a bed;
  For I upon this bank will rest my head.(Yeah, you're right. Dibs on this spot.)

• Lysander. One turf shall serve as pillow for us both; 695
  One heart, one bed, two bosoms and one troth.(Let's get it on...)

• Hermia. Nay, good Lysander; for my sake, my dear,
  Lie further off yet, do not lie so near.(I don't think so!)

• Lysander. O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence!
  Love takes the meaning in love's conference. 700
  I mean, that my heart unto yours is knit
  So that but one heart we can make of it;
  Two bosoms interchained with an oath;
  So then two bosoms and a single troth.
  Then by your side no bed-room me deny; 705
  For lying so, Hermia, I do not lie.(See, what had happened was...I just meant it romantically, not sexually. Pfffft....you thought I meant...nah.)

• Hermia. Lysander riddles very prettily:
  Now much beshrew my manners and my pride,
  If Hermia meant to say Lysander lied.
  But, gentle friend, for love and courtesy 710
  Lie further off; in human modesty,
  Such separation as may well be said
  Becomes a virtuous bachelor and a maid,
  So far be distant; and, good night, sweet friend:
  Thy love ne'er alter till thy sweet life end! 715 (Riiiiiight. Well, it won't look good if we sleep together.)

• Lysander. Amen, amen, to that fair prayer, say I;
  And then end life when I end loyalty!
  Here is my bed: sleep give thee all his rest!(Of course! You're right. I'm just gonna...sleep.)

• Hermia. With half that wish the wisher's eyes be press'd!(K. Night.)