Thursday, October 21, 2010

Southern Fried Bull$hit

I'll eat a cheeseburger along with the next person, but it's the freedom to NOT eat a cheeseburger that I'm after. Let's just say I go through meatless "phases" where the thought of biting into a piece of cartilage makes me regurgitate.  In these phases, I stock up on beans and the occasional Boca burger.  Since moving to North Florida, these anti-cravings have been harder to carry out. In a town where one may see young men buying flatbed carts stacked above their heads with Budweiser, one will not see vegetarian chili in a can. The first time I asked at WalMart where the tofu hot dogs were (yes, I had to ask), the manager and employee looked at each other (they gave each other a look), smiled and they led me to them, buried in the freezer case. "Oh! Yeah, must have looked right past them at $5 a package!!!!" Supply and demand, I suppose. And, in a town where beer is a higher commodity than gold (unless it's Garnet n Gold), one can only imagine I'm probably the first and last person to ask for tofu dogs. The thing that really pisses me off is that I cannot find vegetarian chili. THE easiest thing (and tastiest thing) to have without meat is chili. I know Hormel makes it, and every grocery store STOCKS Hormel, just not vegetarian Hormel. They have chicken chili and steak chili and chili with beans and without beans and three bean chili with beef! Whhhhyyyyy?!?!?!? Here's the problem: I'm pretty much the only person in the family who enjoys chili. I see its merits as a food alone and in other dishes. Think about it-- you can eat it in a bowl with sour cream or on top of rice, or on noodles with a little cheese. You could have it on nachos or make a burrito out of it. What about a taco salad or a chili-cheese-cornbread-topped casserole??? The possibilities are endless, but I'm alone in my love for chili...and TOTALLY alone in my love for vegetarian chili. So, if I make my own, I'll have it forever as leftovers. I'm not interested in that much gas. The perfect solution? A can of chili. Vegetarian chili. But no. I am denied this simplest of pleasures. Well, Tallahassee can kiss my grits!

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