Tuesday, June 29, 2010

We all do our part

I love that when I stuck my head in the bathroom door to check on my son this evening, he was reading that classic tale of tolerance, The Sneetches. I'm so glad my son can participate in anti-racism whilst he goes boom-boom. :)

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Your Spouse Might be in Medical School If....(#781)

You keep reminding him to make friends with the plastic surgery intern hopefuls in his class.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Welcome to the nut house

Sometimes, my mother-in-law makes me so angry, I want to bite the heads off of small woodland animals. :(

Your Spouse Might be in Medical School If....(#17)

You've come to terms with the fact that your husband's hand is going to be probing another woman's vagina.

Just a thought...

It might be time to get control of your eating habits when you dream about being lost in  an unknown European country and the biggest dilemma is there is not one open gelateria and your friend's oh-so-stylish-Belgian-mother is poking at your belly paunch (cigarette between her fingers) telling you "zee fat iz right zere."

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Your Spouse Might be in Medical School If....


You put his clothes in the washer with salad tongs 'cause they wreak of formaldehyde.

In Defense of Hooker Heels


"Nice girls don't wear shoes like that," I hear my mom echo. Who says I wanna BE the nice girl? What if I strive for the "man-eater" look, Ma? Is this appropriate footwear for the "Ice Queen" motif?
Call them what you will: stilettos, hooker heels, "F* me!" pumps. What do you think of when you hear the words, "high heels"? I think of womanhood. I think of my sister yanking on my hair with a hot curling iron reminding me that, "The road to beauty is paved with pain." I think of creamy lipstick and slipping (not tugging) on a dress. There is nothing on our planet more notoriously feminine than high heels. Really stop and think about it: sexy is embodied in this:

Oooo. I think I just got a shiver. Christian Louboutin: you are the cobbler of pure lust. Jimmy Choo: I'd starve myself to rock your heels. Prada: does it really matter what ELSE you wear?
Yes, they're "painful" but isn't the best sex a little bit painful? When tempted to wear sensible flats, I remember this:
"Heels were created by a woman who was kissed on the forehead."--Christopher Morley
(If you wish to read the history, click here: http://www.randomhistory.com/1-50/036heels.html )

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Polite Dinner Conversation


JOE: You know how some people survive off coffee and cigarettes and binge on alcohol at night? I can see you survive on celery and hummus all day and binge on Nutella and graham crackers at night.
ME: (muffled) ffshutuppff! *coughcoughcough sputtersputter coughcough*
JOE: Don't choke. I don't know the himelick yet.

A Woman Can Change Her Stars

As I blithely prepared my salad and homemade hummus for dinner tonight, I moved aside the breakfast sausage for the biscuits and gravy I've promised to make Elise this weekend.  Suddenly, I was reminded of the time one of our mutual high school acquaintances told a room full of people of my culinary abilities a la Paula Deen.


"Oh, Kati always makes the best food, and it's always smothered in lard and butter and mayo."

Great.

Apparently fatass is my specialty. But, a woman can change her stars... so butter THIS, Buttercup!

Finally!

At age almost-30, I have learned a valuable lesson. THIS is why we don't leave our essays 'til the day they're due, boys and girls!

Giggly 13 year old Quote #175

"I'm even ready to walk through fire rather than give up cock. There's nothing like it, dear Lysistrata."
(Apparently they didn't have KFC in ancient Greece.)

Monday, June 14, 2010

This...

This is pure evil. ;)

We're All for Instant Gratification

I know, I know. It's the World Cup. I'm more of a basketball fan. My dad used to say that you could give each team 100 points and three minutes and that was an NBA game. Exactly! And we like drive-thrus and microwaves, too! Not so much with soccer. Soccer goes on and on without a point, like elderly relatives at the holidays. This is not entertainment, this is work--especially since the only interesting thing about soccer (forget it's long and glorious tradition) is out of the game. I guess we'll just have to get our David Beckham fix elsewhere.